If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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