I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
