in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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