Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
