umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
