NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
