How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
