I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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