My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
