i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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