i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
