drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
