took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
