I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My ass is underappreciated
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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