he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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