It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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