ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
