I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
