it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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