what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
