I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
