And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
