She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
