All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize