i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
