i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
