ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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