I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
