so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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