so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
