i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
