am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
