he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
