I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
