Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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