Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
FUCK WHALES
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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