I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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