FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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