Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I haven't been this sober since birth.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
