I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
