No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
