I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
