So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
