I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize