bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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