the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
