I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
