So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
