Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i think i have two assholes
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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