At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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