I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
