i think my mom watched the whole time
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
