the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
