if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
