If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Your penis caused this!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
