"it" just moved
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
