Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
