Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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