I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
