Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
