dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
