FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
