did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
