My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
