Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
