Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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