sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
